Prison Poem #00

In a hole. I find myself hear not because i fell but because i walked.  Slowly but surly step after downward step until I have to look all the way up to find sunlight.  Now I climb. Now I fight against the odds and struggle to survive   Survival is not guarantied and coming out of this unsecured is pretty much impossible.  Fighting agents this current will hurt.  Knowing my goal will make the pain bearable   It will be hard exhausting work but the struggle I relish  I once said that I would dig my self out of this hole when it deep enough.  Prison is deep enough.  I don't know why put myself into this mess just like i don't know why its time to get out of it. but it is.

Happy Newtonmas

Today is the celebration of the berth of sir Issac Newton.  and it can be done so with a decorated tree and the giving of presents.  Or the dropping of apples.  traditions regarding this holiday haven't relay been cemented.  For me the important thing is the celebrating 

Happy Newtonmas!

Life love and knitting

I learned to knit about four months ago.  and now I do it almost every day.  making something almost every week.  there are examples on my Facebook page.  I have been thinking about what to do with all the stuff ive made.  I think im going to start an Etsy page soon.

Workking!

I got a job I work twelve hour shifts! 3-4 days a week if I don't sign up for more.  I haven't been writing because there hasn't been much time at the computer.  I'm going to try to make a buffer to keep some thing going; look foreword to more prison poems.





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Fest de musik

On Sunday the fifth I went to a festival in Bethlehem Pennsylvania called musikfest.  I went to see Philadelphia Funk Authority.  It was great.  I saw them a few months ago at Mayfair.  This band is really good.  I have it on good authority that they schedule vary few rehearsals together.  Before they played I was lucky enough to be at the before party for hosted by George Hrab.  He and his friends were vary welcoming, they are some of the smartest most skeptical people in the aria.  What a refreshing change for me.  It is great to find a group that can say wait amount where is this information coming from? what is it biased on? how valid is it? I have found my tribe. 

The past year has been a life changer for me, I now have a new goal and a new set of standards and principles for myself.  With this I can be 'part of ' instead of 'solo' it makes me happy.  There was no mountain to high and no valley to low. 

Poem #1

I'm sitting in someone elses filth not seeing my oun.
Listening to an escape not seeing it as my get high.
Running from to get fit not seeing my oun escape.
Swimming in and out of coherint thought not seeing.
Returning to my past faliurs unwilling to see the direction I'm going.
I am trying to be one of the guys but I want nothing to do with those guys.
I have to choose and make the choice over and over every moment.

Gears and Cogs

I wrote this in 09/09/09
              There was nowhere to go so she went up.  Climbing up the inside of the tower, despite Big Ben’s notoriety not many people have seen the inside.  Cogs and gears worked all around her.  It was like another world, one made of spinning mettle and whirring things of an indescribable nature.  There were two hulking behemoths chasing Jessica.   These men where vary well dressed for this sort of job.  One, the tallest of the pair, very much enjoyed green.  He wore an olive waistcoat with a forest jacket and tie.  While the other had on a very plain brown suit, he enjoyed becoming indistinguishable in the crowed though not being very successful.  These two men where hired by a very rich and private aristocrat.  They didn’t even know his name. 
              Jessica was scared, she felt as though her life was not only over but it would never have been. She didn’t know why she was being chased only that these men did not seem friendly.  The kitchen where she worked with all its hustle and bustle had a lot of gossip so when the two dapper men came to inquire about Jessica the rumor spread fast.  As one cook pout it; “When there are tall men in ominous clothing looking grim and seeming out of place; run.” This piece of advice gave Jessica a head start on her would be captors.  As Jessica quickly heard this, she wanted to get away more and more.  She was nervous not knowing where she could go. 
              Finally reaching the highest level of the clock tower she listened for the sound of the retrievers.  As they were still on their way she found no other option but to climb the clock face, a bountiful piece of new art only being installed twelve years earlier.  The hour hand was at three and the minuet hand at one.  Jessica scrambled up, quickly tiring from the ordeal.  As the fear of the situation over took her she didn’t realize how easy it was getting becoming to climb.  It wasn’t as though her muscles were becoming numb but that they were actually becoming re-energized as she climbed.  As Jessica reached the top of the tower she was practically floating not even sure how she was doing it.  Finally she looked around marveling at the urban sprawl before her.  It looked a strange but gentle monster that was hustling and bustling its way into the evening.   The city she knew as her home became a small puzzle piece in a larger mosaic of a grand London metropolis.  She wondered if the feeling she got was from the beautiful city before her of the new-found ability she possessed. 
              The men were confused as to Jessica’s escape and were apprehensive to tell their employer of their misfortune.  One said “She must ‘ave gone… Where did she go?” The other replied “Don’t think it just hurts my brain.”  Jessica on the other hand was reveling in her escape able to go anywhere and do anything.  All that cooking training for nothing but she didn’t care.  The world was hers and she would have it.  And for all the others that truly woke up that day there are stories for them too. 

Whats up

I have nothing pre-written for this post.  I'm writing free and unbidden that is I am not thinking about what I'm writing just, just writing.  Whats going on with me? This is a good question.  I'm currently in a program to help integrate people into productive places in society.  This sounds fancy and so dose Christian Living Program.  It is actually helpful and I am hoping that through the help of this program I will have a job, place and weekly social events.  There are some of us in this program that drag our feet when the opportunity to change, grow, or better ourselves.  The group was made up of twelve.  Some where kicked out others left, now where down to eight.  I cant think of leaving and I'm disparately afraid to get kicked out. I feel like this is my last chance to make it  and I am afraid of the the alternatives.  Its frustrating that I have the capabilities to do so much but not the skill.  Is there any work out there for a guy who can repair and fix almost any computer problem? I'm not blowing my skill out of proportion its just that most problems that come up on personal computers are fixable with a limited number of tools.  I have the tools.

My Manifesto

The merits of an education are not the regurgitation of facts or the size of vocabulary but the hunger for knowledge.  Through understanding problems are fixed and arguments prevented.  Through knowledge are mistakes avoided and life appreciated.  Through education prosperity rains.  Through ignorance subjugation is enforced.  Through complacency disease festers.  Through stupidity are lies praised.  
These melodies are rampant and each one of us must act to stop the plague from coming upon us.  Seek out new and seek out news.  Find information and tell everyone about it.  Listen to others but do not correct them.  Speak truths and share in information gathering.  Spend time observing without interacting.  And teach without recognition.  Tell stories and jokes and hear them as well.  When finding inaccuracies politely correct.  If a lie is stubborn do not confront it simply speak the truth ells where.  At no point is it good to be short tempered.  Spend time sitting and thanking is silence.  Take the time to thank others.  Thank others for wronging you.  Thank others for likening you.  Thank others for being with you.  There is always another way, but not always a better way.  If help is asked for give it unquestioningly.  If help is needed give it unasked.  If help is provided ask how to assist.  Doubt is a virtue.  If questions of validity are answered growth can accelerate.  Teachers should be thanked, praised, prayed for, welcomed, criticized, and paid well.  Celebrate understanding community.  If two people who disagree are both right separate them and put them in the others place.  Gather.  Record.  Contribute.  

One more time

In times of sorrow and of hardship.  There is a light shining in front of me.  Let it shine on till tomorrow so let it be.  If you are down and have no way to see the light, trust in thee.  There will be an answer so let it be.  There always will be an answer and that is enough for when the point of life is to search for this than the thing we can not forget is that it is out there.  I am not a perfict man far from it but I strive for perfection and I've been told that striving for is perfection.  So when someone says you cant do something that it is imposible tell that it is not becouse you are doing it right now.  I am self distructive and self sabitojing.  its not good but Im trying to change.  There will be an answer and it probobly will be lifted from a popculture reference.  I did it this blog is One year old!

From whence I came out into the open this is not what was begot.

All right hears the thing I'm homeless. Its not something that happened all at once. I didn't loose my job my apartment all over night. I usually not this vocal or this direct on my blog but The rules I put in places from the start were vague enough to include this possibility. The thing is theirs not that many people to talk to about this and I don't have much practice talking without my mouth open. This all started back in May. that's when I lost my job. There was two bosses giving me contradictory instructions and ass a power play by one, I was Fired. That was all right id been fired before but for some reason i couldn't get a new job in time. sure the economy was bad but I didn't expect it to hit me. But two months in and nothing and my landlord wanted to be paid. I owe him! He let me go with a lot uncollated. I still will try to make that up to him. I know that sounds like wishful optimism and it probably is but I still want to pay him back. So now i was out of my place but lucky for me I have one of the best grandmothers living rather close to me. The other amazing grandmother lives in west palm. (Miss you Grammy). And from July to November I was praying every morning and looking all day for work. until she got a letter. The letter said that the living facility she was staying in did not allow guests past a week and I would have to go or she would be evicted too. First I don't want anything to happen to happen to my Grandmother so I left to get some temporary assistance from my nearest Department of Social Services. After some exhausting cold nights in various underpasses and the like I was sent to a halfway house with bed bugs no sheets bad heating and one meal a day. It blows chunks and i suspect Ill be here for a while. I hope I'm not hear on my birthday. (Dec 8) but any way that is me for now. 

Nina my grandmother.

Episode 0

this is going to be difficult because i'm using the on screen keyboard. mine wont work proper. is is an example of wen i pe w m acual kebord. see to many buttons don't work. but never the less i'd say its apt that i cant type properly because it wouldn't help my spelling otherwise. who knows maybe ill be more consuse of my self this way. guess not.