I'm sinking

I feel like I'm tredding water.  Trying to get some where but losing energy and I call out for help but I don't eaven get a floater.  Its painful.  Its Scary. It makes me angry! Now You get to see me angry! I don't turn green.  I turn cold.  I calculate.  Revenge is a dish that's not easy to make.
I am looking for work anything that will help me to keep going until I can get to where I want to go.  I just hope the dour is open when I get there, assuming i get there at all.  The next days, weeks, month will be crucial!
There will be a new poem this wednesday 

Me now

I am writing this today Friday.  Usually I write things in advance, use a buffer.  But I ran into a problem at the place I'm staying and now I'm spending a lot more time job hunting.  I'm having money trouble again.  Next month I'm moving to a new place that charges weekly rent.  Without a job I wont last long.  I am searching in the Allentown aria and its tough.  I'm so tired right now its not fun. I'm going to try to keep up the regular blog schedule but I may have to drop one of the days.  Ill continue alternating between rants and poems, or at least try to.  I still have a lot more in the prison poem series. 

Worked at a fair

 

That's Ox!

I worked at the kutstown folk festival last week and it was hot.  I got some good food and met some nice people.  There was an ox roast that was delicious and a glass blower that was really cool, or hot.  The theme was heavy on Pennsylvania Dutch.  I had an exhausting time and my boss was... is looking over my shoulder. 

Motevation

Run! That's all there is. Action. The willingness to do. I am working to change my life around. I was a passive slacker. I am now trying to make every moment count but. There's still this part of me that doesn't want to Suffer now for a long term goal. There are times when I remember it's more important to put up with this now then to repeat it later. I'm trying to make those moments more frequent. I run and that helps. I do yoga and that helps. I write and thy helps. I talk to people and that helps. I try to be accountable. There's this desire to run away strip naked and frolic with out a care in the world. I couldn't  last like that. There is a different kind of peace in responsibility, this is my goal. Routine is my serenity.  

Poem #1

I'm sitting in someone elses filth not seeing my oun.
Listening to an escape not seeing it as my get high.
Running from to get fit not seeing my oun escape.
Swimming in and out of coherint thought not seeing.
Returning to my past faliurs unwilling to see the direction I'm going.
I am trying to be one of the guys but I want nothing to do with those guys.
I have to choose and make the choice over and over every moment.

A dialog with nobody

Thought you were writing,  Its not enough.  Ha ha.  No more.  For now we will sing pretty little love songs.  To much of a good thing can drive you angry.  Not that you knotes.  From one to all.  All is me.  God is.  Hello welcome to reality, may I take your order? This is a dream. Once I woke up and found that I was asleep.  Tape this for it will not happen again.  The, wind blows the, string sounds the, fire combusts the, field turns.  Happy sounds make sad smells.  From me to you with Gods love.  She can only be one.  Is it a loneliness that we make? To me? For what?

Prison Poem #8

Mrs. Brown

Sylvia,
Sylvia why do you claim so?
The truths you profess are subjective at best,debating to and fro.
Descriptions in hand miracles worked, truths proven unsure,
Sylvia you are wonderful and let you voice be pure.