Mind Stream Rant

Its funny how growing up I was a member of the cult of self worship.  But I always thought realign was bogus.  The thing about therapy is it can be an addiction and now that I've gone without the therapist I self analyze.  Any starter in the field knows the dangers of this but its also unavoidable.  I am grateful for any outside analyses but I don't easily go searching for it.  When I do its for one of two reasons: one to self affirm a preconceived notion, two to get an objective perspective when I know I need one.  The first happens more often and Id prefer it never to.  The second is good but sometimes I think its my goal but I'm under a cloud of self deception.  One form of objectivity I've neglected frequently, is to write down my thoughts for latter review.  This I do often now.  I like poetry because I can express a mood or feeling and be completely subjective with out worry.  My best poems are writ in the thralls of a particular emotion.  Such times my rational is always clouded.  At these moments my rational mind takes a back seat.  My prefers definition of insanity is the forfeit of rational thought.  The reason i don't like Einstein's is because there are times when rational thought dictates the repetition of actions.  I should write a poem that has the starting lines repeat 'the definition of insanity is...' Thought Id never keep a journal because I was to afraid of what the reader would think of me.  Now I see the catharsis in releasing my thoughts to paper.  Not relying on it but giving it the burden.